When Sports Stopped I Lost My Mind

Jack with a pencil in his left hand, scorecard on his lap, and baseball in his other hand looks on as he watches the Mercyhurst Lakers battle the University of Charleston in the Atlantic Super Regional on Saturday, May 25, 2019. Photo by Austin Gorton.

Jack Butler

jbutle58@lakers.mercyhurst.edu

When the sports world came to an unexpected halt, I took a step back and gave myself time to reflect on the situation. Sports have been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. My dad put me on ice skates when I was three or four years old and I started learn to play hockey at the age of six. But my father suddenly passed away the following summer. Then as the years went by, I still played sports and through interacting with his close friends since 2015 I learned my dad liked to play hockey more than watch it. I am the same way as well because you can’t replace the adrenaline you feel when skating while also attempting to avoid getting checked in pursuit of score a goal with a small black puck. However, baseball is a completely different story.

I competed on the ball diamond for fourteen years where I enjoyed playing from t-ball to high school and I loved sprinting from the dugout to centerfield. But after pitching and hitting for the last time during a postseason game on Thursday, May 17, 2018, I finally hung up my cleats and ballcap. From that day on I have fallen more in love with the game that means so much to me and my family. The reason had been attending more Cleveland Indians games in person where I keep score of the action while also creating a closer bond with my mom between baseball. With my love of the game growing so did my passion for my play-by-play broadcasting. Ever since I was six or seven, I have heard the voice of Tom Hamilton on WTAM 1100 in the car and now on my radio or phone. Hamilton always kept me on the edge of my seat whenever I tuned into a Tribe game which inspired me to attempt to do the same.

In Spring 2016, when I was a sophomore at Lawrence Upper School, I started dreaming of one day becoming the Play-by-Play radio announcer for the Cleveland Indians. And form that point on I listened to Hamilton call the game even if the play already or did not happen on the TV yet. That did not matter for me, the way he described the layout of the situation did. Also, I learned when to sound enthusiastic and when to be silent which really stuck out for me. With gaining those tips through listening to Hammys calls I started to record my own play-by-play of already played games such as Game 1 of 2016 ALDS between the Tribe and the Red Sox. This first happened in 2018 after my baseball playing days were over but I still competed on the ice rink as I made the Division II American Collegiate Hockey Association (ACHA) at Mercyhurst University.

Following my hockey season, I started contacting Mercyhurst Baseball Head Coach Joe Spano to possibly broadcast the games. Unfortunately, Spano was extremely busy and the Director of Athletic Communications would not let me broadcast them. Once I heard that news, I found another opportunity to cover the game I love through writing for them in the Merciad, the school’s newspaper. I only covered two Laker doubleheaders and wanted to do more but the school newspaper stopped printing because of the semester ending soon.

With finals over my Freshman Year was complete and came home where I followed the Lakers in the Atlantic Regional I. Mercyhurst claimed the Atlantic Regional I and the University of Charleston came out of region II. Charleston took the opening game at the Mercyhurst Baseball Field and the Lakers were one loss from going home. I traveled to Erie to cheer them on and witnessed Spano’s club win both contests to capture the Atlantic Regional where its season would continue in the Division II College World Series. When I returned back to Cleveland I asked my mom if I could watch them in the CWS in Cary, N.C. After my mom secured a late flight and housing arrangements for me I flew down on Sunday, June 2, 2019, to watch Mercyhurst face the University of Tampa. The Lakers carried a 2-0 lead into the bottom of the eighth where Tampa scored four unanswered runs, spoiling Mercyhurst‘s chances for an upset. Spano and his team had an off-day Monday, then returned to Coleman Field to battle Catawba University the next day and won 8-5. As the Lakers and Indians formed the handshake line on the infield, I collected my belongings and walked to the exit where I lady came up to me saying, “We heard you call the game as we were sitting in front of you and you are an amazing broadcaster.” After talking with her, I went over to Mercyhurst Head Athletic Director Brad Davis and asked, “can I call the baseball games next year?” Davis replied “yes you can, but just come to my office when you arrive on campus.” The following day Mercyhurst had a date with UC San Diego in another elimination game. Through five innings UC San Diego led 5-1 but Mercyhurst rallied back with five unanswered runs to win 6-5. By winning that contest the Lakers had a rematch with Tampa in the final four on Thursday. Mercyhurst ran out of gas as it was their third game in three days which resulted in a 12-0 loss.

During the rest of my Summer break I wrote articles of each game the Lakers played in Cary while also creating a sports journalism blog “Jack’s on the Mic.” Throughout July and August, I uploaded articles covering Cleveland Indians' games and eventually posted Mercyhurst’s entire coverage of the CWS in late September. From October to December hockey become so busy that I was having a hard time allotting free time for myself. By skating four days a week while also taking 16 credits and Beyond the Gates, I only did four things, read textbooks, complete homework, eat meals at Egan and skated at the Ice Center. By going through college in this routine I thought I was a burden to myself as I did not allow myself to enjoy the activities I loved to do. This caused me to feel down and my anxiety increased while also not really getting pleasure from doing anything. I contemplated dying but thought that all I needed to do was make it through the semester and talk to a psychiatrist during the semester break. My psychiatrist increased my dose of Zoloft as my mood improved during the time off.

When I returned back to campus for the Spring Semester in January, I pledged to not always do schoolwork but to post a baseball article to my blog each week. I succeeded in this goal by posting five articles from January to February while heavily emailing the Athletic Communications department to call the baseball games for the Spring. Also, I announced my biggest project yet, a book titled The Cleveland Indians: A history of tragedies, curses, and October collapses. By starting to conduct research for the book as well as writing the draft my whole focus went to this long-term work rather than 600-1,000-word articles.

After writing parts of my book for most days during a two-week period I walked to the Athletic Communications offices in the Athletic Center in early March. Before I spoke a word, the Director of Athletic Communications Craig Butler said, “you are going to be calling the games this weekend, make sure you arrive an hour before Saturday’s game and thirty minutes prior to Sunday’s Doubleheader. Two days after hearing that phenomenal news every student, professor, and staff member received an email from Mercyhurst University President, Michael T. Victor pertaining to the Coronavirus outbreak. Then, 24 hours later I checked my Twitter where I noticed a tweet from Mercyhurst Athletics stating no fans allowed at the remaining Spring competitions held on campus. This sparked me to march to the Athletic Department where I spoke with Davis and Associate Athletic Director and Director of Championships to discuss if I won’t be broadcasting the games due to the recent news. They told me that “you will be calling the games but there will be no fans in attendance except the people helping you in the press box. Unless something drastic changes you won’t be calling them, but we will be in touch.” However the next morning the most devastating news came out.

Early Friday morning the Pennsylvania State Athletic Conference (PSAC) released a memo regarding Spring Athletics. While eating breakfast at Grotto Commons I was sitting at the same table as some of the baseball players who received word from a PSAC statement that all Spring competition would be suspended indefinitely. One of the guys began to cry and I was so saddened and disappointed with the news as well. After breakfast I walked to Weber Hall, the quietest place to study in the library, with tears running down my face as I realized that I could not commentate the game I loved but more importantly, the ballplayers had no chance to play this year, especially the seniors who’s collegiate careers were over way too soon. After a week since reading the memo from the PSAC, I understand that sports and Play-by-Play broadcasting are irrelevant during the global Coronavirus pandemic that continues to spread throughout the United States and around the world. Even though I am frustrated with the current situation, there is always next year or two years as I have two more opportunities to call the baseball games before I graduate from Mercyhurst in May 2022. Before I go, huge thanks goes out to all the nurses at the Cleveland Clinic Children’s pediatric oncology department and all other doctors and health care workers around the world. Your work does not go unnoticed and also thanks to grocery store workers who continue to run the stores so citizens can purchase essential food, toiletries, cleaning, and bathing needs during this critical time.